Our sweet two year old son has entered the world of what is usually called the "Terrible Two's." We have been carefully watching and evaluating his behavior and P and I have both concluded that we are now really in it. He doesn't do it very often but he has begun to throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way: whine, try to manipulate, and test out what he can get away with. When he is trouble with one parent, he'll call out for the other hoping that the other parent will be on his side. Too bad for him that Paul and I reinforce each other's actions rather than cave in to the big teary eyes crying for mommy or ah-pa. It is not easy to not cave in at times when you know that it doesn't have to be so hard for him....
Yesterday, P told Elijah to pick up a book and bring it to him. He totally ignored it. I have wondered at times whether he didn't hear us or whether he was choosing to ignore. My question was answered last night because as soon as P said, "E--you need to pick up that book and bring it to daddy or you can have a time out," there was an immediate response. He had heard his daddy but didn't want to do it and was choosing to ignore him. He came over with the book in matter of seconds.
During meals, we used to give him lots of choices about what he eats or not. We didn't want meal time to be a battle ground especially when he was small and just learning to eat. But, now, we have decided that he pretty much needs to eat what we offer (unless we know that he absolutely hates it) or there is a negative consequence. He has been eating almost everything that is on his plate. We want Elijah to feel free to express his "No's." I think it's important that he can disagree with us; but, he cannot whine or be disrespectful as he does it, and if he does, he's been getting time outs.
He's learning that he does have choices but that they are within the limited scope set by us. For example, tonight he wanted to watch a video. I had told him that because he had watched a video earlier in the day that he couldn't. I told him that he can choose reading with mommy or playing with anything he wants but he cannot watch a video. What was his answer? "I want to watch a video." "It's not an option, Elijah." I restate what I had said previously and give him ideas about what he can play. "I want to watch a video." Again, I tell him that I know that he wants to watch a video but it is not video time and what he can choose to do....but this time, I changed it to, "You can either play or have a time out." Immediately he chooses to play -- I can't remember what-- and he didn't mention videos again.
We are learning how to follow-through on consequences right away (both positive and negative) so that he knows that he needs to listen and obey the first time around. I can't remember the situation now, but tonight as I was carrying him in to the room for a time out, he says, "Mommy, I'm ready. I will do...." And I had to say, "I'm glad you're ready but you still get a time out for not doing it the first time." If I think the infant stage was hard work, this stage is harder in different kind of way.... We're learning how to be good parents and oh boy, it is not easy. And, when you're already tired from irregular sleep, it is even harder. But, I know that if we pay the price of doing the hard work now, later it will be much easier for everyone. I guess we are all learning about delayed gratification to some level.
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